It reminds me of fall. It reminds me of the smell and the cool but not cold air and it reminds me of a time when I was happy doing what I was doing. I had just moved to Seattle and everything was fresh and new and exciting. It reminds me of getting out of tech rehearsal early and walking down Broadway and the sun was shining the gentlest of breezes was blowing and I was filled with an elation that only the changing of the seasons can bring.
I miss that time. I miss being happy just because it was autumn and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
I hope that this feeling returns this fall, when I'm at a new school studying what I've always known in my heart I should be studying. Everything will be beautiful.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Blog Ideas
This is a kind of interim blog post, if you will. I have a ton of blog ideas and a few unfinished drafts. I have been so obscenely busy with school that every time I start something, I stop so I can do homework. And it's not even homework I enjoy. I wish I liked my classes. But I don't. I am just really excited to get out of here (three and a half weeks to go!) and go study what I love.
That's not to say that I don't love Seattle. I adore Seattle, more than words can say. I am really going to miss this place. But, next year, I will only live about four hours away, and I know that I will be back here again. So I am not as heartbroken as, say, my friend Ellie, who is going to go to school in Nashville next year. (As far as she knows, at least.)
Anyway. This is a blog post saying that there will be more blog posts soon. So hold your breath! I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat.
That's not to say that I don't love Seattle. I adore Seattle, more than words can say. I am really going to miss this place. But, next year, I will only live about four hours away, and I know that I will be back here again. So I am not as heartbroken as, say, my friend Ellie, who is going to go to school in Nashville next year. (As far as she knows, at least.)
Anyway. This is a blog post saying that there will be more blog posts soon. So hold your breath! I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat.
Monday, April 11, 2011
How Summer Does Homework
Step One:
Don't actually do homework.
Step Two:
Take a ton of unnecessary pictures.
LOOOOOOOL I am so weird.
Don't actually do homework.
Step Two:
Take a ton of unnecessary pictures.
LOOOOOOOL I am so weird.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Famous Last Words
Today I was sitting in my school's cafe, sipping a latte and reading some Vonnegut (how college, right?) and I had a thought.
Let's see. How do I go about explaining this.
Sometimes I feel like everything anybody does is just a reference to something else. Take Gilmore Girls, for example. Don't get me wrong, that show is one of my favorites of all time. It has shaped my life in a way that no other show has. Every preconceived notion I have about college and relationships comes from that show, in addition to my ability to talk quickly and occasionally spout witticisms without batting a lash. BUT- there is always a but, isn't there?- their humor and intelligence stems from their vast knowledge of other things, be it pop culture or ancient literature or current events. It is all references to something else.
As I was letting the espresso dance on my tongue with the steamed milk and vanilla essence, I was reading Hocus Pocus and I noticed that the narrator constantly talked about people's last words. And this, of course, reminded me of John Green's Looking for Alaska. I had never heard John Green talk about how the main character's obsession with Famous Last Words was inspired by Vonnegut's novel, but I know that he is a Vonnegut fan, so I started to think that this was, in fact, his inspiration. He had just never talked about it.
I am not entirely sure if this is true. If you know otherwise, PLEASE let me know. I am beyond curious.
Anyway. I started thinking about how many references to other things occur on a daily basis. I reference things so often I get confused about what is real and what is just a reference. Like my wardrobe. It is basically a reference to different eras, different movies, those whose style I admire. I don't think that this makes anything I do any less genuine; I am the sum of all of these parts, and everyone else is the sum of a myriad of different parts. That is what makes each of us interesting.
I kind of veered away from my main point, didn't I?
My point is, I guess, that it's kind of unsettling thinking about how many things (I really need to learn a new word. Did AP English teach me nothing?) are referencing something else. Everything is so...unintentionally collaborative. (Ooh that's nice. I like that.) By referencing things, and maybe occasionally passing them off as our own, we connect ourselves to the past and to each other. On the surface it's unsettling, but if you dig deeper...it's comforting.
Let's see. How do I go about explaining this.
Sometimes I feel like everything anybody does is just a reference to something else. Take Gilmore Girls, for example. Don't get me wrong, that show is one of my favorites of all time. It has shaped my life in a way that no other show has. Every preconceived notion I have about college and relationships comes from that show, in addition to my ability to talk quickly and occasionally spout witticisms without batting a lash. BUT- there is always a but, isn't there?- their humor and intelligence stems from their vast knowledge of other things, be it pop culture or ancient literature or current events. It is all references to something else.
As I was letting the espresso dance on my tongue with the steamed milk and vanilla essence, I was reading Hocus Pocus and I noticed that the narrator constantly talked about people's last words. And this, of course, reminded me of John Green's Looking for Alaska. I had never heard John Green talk about how the main character's obsession with Famous Last Words was inspired by Vonnegut's novel, but I know that he is a Vonnegut fan, so I started to think that this was, in fact, his inspiration. He had just never talked about it.
I am not entirely sure if this is true. If you know otherwise, PLEASE let me know. I am beyond curious.
Anyway. I started thinking about how many references to other things occur on a daily basis. I reference things so often I get confused about what is real and what is just a reference. Like my wardrobe. It is basically a reference to different eras, different movies, those whose style I admire. I don't think that this makes anything I do any less genuine; I am the sum of all of these parts, and everyone else is the sum of a myriad of different parts. That is what makes each of us interesting.
I kind of veered away from my main point, didn't I?
My point is, I guess, that it's kind of unsettling thinking about how many things (I really need to learn a new word. Did AP English teach me nothing?) are referencing something else. Everything is so...unintentionally collaborative. (Ooh that's nice. I like that.) By referencing things, and maybe occasionally passing them off as our own, we connect ourselves to the past and to each other. On the surface it's unsettling, but if you dig deeper...it's comforting.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
One Month to Go...
Today is April 6. One month from now it will be May 6.
Wait. I think I'm moving too quickly. Can you keep up? Are you keeping track? Okay? Good.
Anyway. The point I am trying to make is that there is exactly one month of school left. Two days later, I will get on a plane and go back home to the wasteland that is Tucson, Arizona. Okay, it's not really a wasteland, but compared to Seattle, it's the fucking Sahara.
Sitting here on my bed* all I can think about is how I am pretty much drowning in how much I have to do in the next four weeks. And it's Art School, so that means every final is a fucking project. Oh, how I long for literary analysis and essays, essays, essays.
Just to give you an idea, here are all of the things I need to have done before the end of the year:
*Why do I even have a desk? It's basically just a flat storage unit. I don't sit there. My chair is a coat rack.
**This thing:
Wait. I think I'm moving too quickly. Can you keep up? Are you keeping track? Okay? Good.
Anyway. The point I am trying to make is that there is exactly one month of school left. Two days later, I will get on a plane and go back home to the wasteland that is Tucson, Arizona. Okay, it's not really a wasteland, but compared to Seattle, it's the fucking Sahara.
Sitting here on my bed* all I can think about is how I am pretty much drowning in how much I have to do in the next four weeks. And it's Art School, so that means every final is a fucking project. Oh, how I long for literary analysis and essays, essays, essays.
Just to give you an idea, here are all of the things I need to have done before the end of the year:
- Research paper on Absurdist Theatre (rough draft due tuesday, have not written anything.)
- 1960s shift dress** (I have to sew it from scratch. Just obtained the pattern today.)
- Ground plan for a theatre (Bane of my existence. You don't even understand my hatred. It's all I ever talk about.)
- Research paper on Prohibition in Seattle in the 1920s (For my BS, pass/fail Humanities class. I could probably just spit on a piece of paper and turn that in and pass the class.)
- Play review
- Three response papers for plays that I have yet to read
- "Metaphor" Project (...I don't even fucking know. I know I have to paint something. I. Cannot. Paint.)
- Pack up my room
- Move out
Holy fuck I just stressed myself out.
I think I need one more night of slacking off before I seriously buckle down. Tonight is that night. I'm going to talk to my friend Lorrie for a while, watch an episode of Doctor Who, and read Books of Adam. Tomorrow, shit's getting real.
I apologize for the gratuitous profanity in this blog post.
*Why do I even have a desk? It's basically just a flat storage unit. I don't sit there. My chair is a coat rack.
**This thing:
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Stop Trying to Get Famous
I spend the vast majority of my day on the internet. I am on Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, and Twitter. (That last one not quite as frequently as the others, but I still cruise around nonetheless.) I'm on Facebook to talk to my friends. I'm on Tumblr for a lot of reasons. There are many hilarious things on the internet and I feel that, at some point, they are bound to find their way to Tumblr. And I want to be there to enjoy the hilarity. In addition, I am a fan of many things and there are people out there who are fans of the things of which I am also a fan. (Convoluted sentence, much?) And finally, I'm on there for the same reason I am on YouTube, at least subconsciously. (And sometimes very consciously.) I WANT TO BE INTERNET FAMOUS.
What a stupid thing to want.
I think the main reason I want to be INTERNET FAMOUS is because there are so many people on the internet (mainly YouTube) with whom I want to be friends. If I am famous, then they will know who I am and we will become friends. I want to interact with the people I find so amazing. I don't care if a bunch of people I don't know like me; I want the people I like to like me. I think that's all anyone really wants.
I was just sitting here thinking about this...and I really just want to stop trying. I want to keep making YouTube videos because I genuinely like doing that. I like Claire and I making a video to each other each week. I just like making things. I will not stop frequenting Tumblr...that would be impossible. But I'm going to stop caring how many followers I have. I'm going to stop going out of my way to do things that I think will make people follow me. I'm going to stop trying so hard. It's just frustrating.
Also, if I were internet famous, someone out there would probably be reading this blog. And I have gotten used to treating it as an online diary. It would be awkward if someone found it.
I'm hungry. Bye.
What a stupid thing to want.
I think the main reason I want to be INTERNET FAMOUS is because there are so many people on the internet (mainly YouTube) with whom I want to be friends. If I am famous, then they will know who I am and we will become friends. I want to interact with the people I find so amazing. I don't care if a bunch of people I don't know like me; I want the people I like to like me. I think that's all anyone really wants.
I was just sitting here thinking about this...and I really just want to stop trying. I want to keep making YouTube videos because I genuinely like doing that. I like Claire and I making a video to each other each week. I just like making things. I will not stop frequenting Tumblr...that would be impossible. But I'm going to stop caring how many followers I have. I'm going to stop going out of my way to do things that I think will make people follow me. I'm going to stop trying so hard. It's just frustrating.
Also, if I were internet famous, someone out there would probably be reading this blog. And I have gotten used to treating it as an online diary. It would be awkward if someone found it.
I'm hungry. Bye.
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